so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
