we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
