theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
