I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
