I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
