If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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