he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Randomize