We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
