His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
