what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
ttyl tear gas
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
