ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
