he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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