Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
