I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
