Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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