one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
