Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
