Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
