thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
