Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
