you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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