She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
