i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
