Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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