Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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