i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
