I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
