i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
