Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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