I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
