you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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