Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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