Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
