he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
