hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
