the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
