I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
