Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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