There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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