trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
