oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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