i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
