im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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