that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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