my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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