am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
