Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
