She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
