there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
