I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
