perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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