Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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