I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
