you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
