I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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