You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
