jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
