Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Randomize
