did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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