Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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