I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
