How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
