Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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