were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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