2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
