Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
