Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
