So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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