so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize