I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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