I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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