Yo dont text me then not text me
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ttyl tear gas
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
