I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
