The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
