I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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