I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
