I hate all girls vehemently.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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