just come out here and I will go home with you...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
