At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
