grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
