You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
