My hand turned me down
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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