He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
how does that bad decision feel?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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