I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
