where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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