Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
