John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
