We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
