His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
