Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
