Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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