Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
