Sponge bath it is.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
