I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
