Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
