One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
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