Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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