everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I want her autograph on my taint
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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