I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
