Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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