My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cockslap morals
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
