guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
