M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
