OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
