I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
now i know why i became what i already was.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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