I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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