you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
