I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
