hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
