did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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