lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
