So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
zippers are such a cool invention
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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