my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
