Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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